The Three Wishes

The afternoon was hot and humid. The sun was blazing on the tarmac covered parking area of the church giving rise to a mirage. It was completely empty. On any given morning, Sunday or otherwise, it would have been packed with cars. I pulled up the car underneath the lone tree that stood in the vast expanse of the courtyard. It looked as if the tree signified faith that stood the test of the sun, proclaiming aloud "O Come, Ye Faithful".

Both the doors opened at the same time. The first rays of the summer sun hit me like piercing arrows. We walked hurriedly towards the church's entrance, she led and I followed. The air inside the church was no different. It was hot and I instantly felt sweat forming inside my shirt. I felt an ease knowing that there was no one else inside the church.

She walked slowly towards the altar that stood empty. Her heels made a tapping sound on the wooden aisle, the sound resonating in the thick air of the empty church. Again, I followed her lead. She chose the second row of seats to the left. She knelt on the old, mosaic flooring of the church and drew a cross. Her hands automatically reached for her shawl and pulled it into a veil over her head. The non-believer that I was, I chose to sit on the wooden bench behind her while she got engrossed in her prayers.

The heat was getting to me now. I could feel the sweat drops forming along my collar line, later rolling down my chest, over my tummy and finally settling on my tucked-in shirt. I wondered how she could remain so oblivious to her surroundings. But then I knew the answer myself. She was a faithful, a firm believer. No amount of cajoling or reasoning could shake her faith. Boy, had I tried?!

I watched her as she stood kneeling, deep in her prayers. I looked at her lips. They weren't moving. But I could sense that a millions prayers were being chanted by her in the inside. I thought I could hear the hum of those prayers leaving her heart. Little beads of perspiration had started to form on her upper lips. The moment and her, both felt pristine.

I heard a sigh escape her. Tears were rolling down from her closed eyes. I was worried but knew it was best not to disturb her. Or ask her about it later on. She drew a cross again and opened her eyes. She wasn't looking at me. She stood and sat next to me, her eyes fixed on the figure high above the altar in front of her.

"Is this the first time that you're coming here?" She broke the silence in a timid whisper. I don't know why she whispered. Maybe she was afraid her voice would break the sanctity of the place.

"Yes. Even though I've been here on a few occasions, I had never entered the church." I replied in a whisper. What was I afraid of, I wondered! Being an atheist, I thought of myself as the equivalent of what the church called Satan. Shhh. I didn't want them to know that I was here! I think I had a smirk on my face then.

"Anyone who visits this church for the first time should make three wishes. They say that it will come true." 

I looked at her face. It reflected the purity of her heart; her innocence, and faith. I didn't want to make fun of it.

"What did you wish for the first time you came here?" I was curious.

"I don't remember it. It was long ago, when I was still in school. It was probably about the exams or something similar. But I do remember that they came true."

I smiled.

We both returned our gazes towards the altar again. We left the church after spending some more time in total silence.

As we walked towards the car, she asked me, "Did you make the three wishes?"

"No." I replied

She didn't pursue the matter anymore.

                                                              *** *** ***

It was later in the afternoon. She was waiting for me by the curb as I bought cotton candies for both of us. She wanted pink, I wanted the white one. The mini truck swerved to the left. It was its outstretched rear view mirror that hit her arms from behind. The shock and pain made her swing, causing her to hit the metal advertisement board by the pavement.

She fell down on the pavement. The mini truck screeched to a halt. I stood transfixed to my spot seeing the sight unfolding before me. Another moment, and I regained my senses. But everything was like a mirage. I screamed her name. I ran towards her. I pushed the people away from her and lifted her head into my lap. She wasn't bleeding. She wasn't conscious either. I felt a faint heartbeat. I screamed for some conveyance. I shook her to wake her up. I fought the people who tried to separate her from me.

And then it happened. It took her in my arms and held her tight and close. I didn't want to let go of that embrace. Here we go. I wish I could hold her tight in my arms. I felt a strange coldness on her body. I was becoming hysterical. I was screaming, shouting, crying. I pulled her closer and kissed her on her forehead. Secondly, I want to kiss her. Two pairs of arms took her from my fold forcefully and carried her to a car. They lifted me into the rear seat. Her head rested on my lap.

There were voices around me asking me things - Name, Phone Number, Address. I couldn't hear them. It was as if they were screaming from afar. I was in a haze. Oh, I had forgotten to collect the cotton candies! What will I tell her parents? Was the mini truck driver detained by the people? Who will call the police? I needed cash to pay the hospital. Is there an ATM nearby? And then I passed out.

Third wish, third wish. I want her to be mine, in every sense, in every way. Pause. I'm such an ass, ain't I? Okay. I will change it. Hmmmmm. Let her have a smile on her face and be at peace, always. She was in the comma for 33 hours. She had a severe brain injury and had suffered a concussion, I was told. There was heavy internal bleeding and tissue tear. 

I stood there as prayers were chanted in the background. My friend received her last rites. I stood leaning against the pillar in the porch. I hadn't showered or changed in two days. I probably looked like a disheveled lunatic. There were faces everywhere. Some I knew, some I didn't. But I didn't want to look at them. The eyes, they were piercing at me, I thought. He is the one who killed her. I could hear them saying to one another. 

I felt a hand on my shoulders. It felt heavy. I looked up. He nodded. I slowly walked into the front room of the house. In a moment, the cries from the inside of the house rose to a heart breaking shrillness. I felt my feet collapsing underneath my body. The hand from earlier still held me. It was as if he knew.

I took one look at her, draped in white satin. She hates satin. And silk. Didn't they know it? Idiots! She looked happy. She had a smile on her lips. And she looked at peace with herself. And the world. And they closed the coffin, preserving her smile for ever.


FootNote: This post is written exclusively for someone, in remembrance of the afternoon and the Three Wishes that were made.

ToeNote: Considering the dry spells during the past few years, I feel like I'm approaching the prime of my creative self. I sincerely hope that it last.

NailNote: During the past few days, I've fell in love with Thrissur more and more. It will always be on my Top 5 Destinations to Live In!

Vulnerability

Have you ever felt vulnerable? Stupid question, isn't it? Everyone would have, at some point of time in their lifetime. I too have, time and again. But it never dawned upon me that vulnerability  was multi-faceted until today.

Incident 1: It was around 10 in the morning. I was with my friend at Sree Kerala Varma College ground in Thrissur. Our bank's inter regional sports finals were being held here. On the eastern side of the ground stood a few old, time-worn buildings that housed the men's hostel. The path to the canopy put up by us was through the hostel compound. As he and I walked towards our colleagues, I saw someone coming from the hostel's direction. There was something different about him. As he came closer, I realized it. He was blind.

He had a bag across his shoulders and was dressed to go out. What struck me the most was the fact that he was without his walking stick. As he heard our approaching footsteps (or was it our conversation?), he asked us whether we would help him get to the road. Without hesitation, I volunteered. The main gates were closed since the college had closed after the end of the academic year. Hence, we had to take the side entrance which had a swivel gate and would take some effort to get past.

I never had any previous acquaintances with people with any forms of disability. So, in my eagerness to help, I grabbed his hand so that I could lead him towards the gate. To my surprise, he hurriedly freed himself from my grip and to my even bigger surprise, grabbed my hand instead. It took me a moment to realize that blind people held your hand when seeking guidance and not the other way around. I felt embarrassed at my over enthusiasm and felt painfully aware of my surroundings. Even though there was no one else around in the area, I felt like there were a hundred eyes piercing into me. And it left me wondering - who was really vulnerable here - him or me?

Incident 2: The cafe was on the third floor of the mall and overlooked a busy junction of Thrissur. Even with the air conditioner on and the fan running at full speed, the heat outside was getting to us. The menu card on the table proclaimed "the food, the view, the people". True I thought. The food (at least the cold coffee) sucked, the view was of cluttered traffic but the person was special.

It had been a year since I saw her last. Even now, she made me skip a heart beat!Things had changed drastically since our last rendezvous. The prelude to today's cold coffee were long spells of silence and general chit chat. And would you believe it, we actually made small talk about the weather! Finally, the blazing sun warmed up our cold coffees and the conversation. And in a matter of moments, we were talking, unaware of our surroundings, enjoying each other's company.

Here was someone to whom I could talk anything and everything. She had seen me at my weakest, when I was truly vulnerable. This realization gave a totally different dimension to our whole conversation. And I believe that it was mutual. Very few people know me by my vulnerable side. It is something I rarely open up before someone. But here, I didn't care. I could talk about everything - my plans, fears, apprehensions, problems, people in my life, to her. Sometimes, vulnerability is a good thing.

Incident 3: I was back in Sree Kerala Varma College ground for the afternoon session of the day's events. It was close to evening. I was in the small shop next to the hostel's main gate when an auto came to a halt and someone stepped out of it. It was the same blind person whom I had helped in the morning reach the gate and get an auto. He was back after his errands in the city. He was asking the auto driver if he had got out in front of the shop itself.

I went and offered him help and he gladly accepted. He asked me which year I was in. I told him that I wasn't a student and explained why I was there. Again, it took a moment for realization to strike me. I told him that I was the same guy who had guided him in the morning. I slowly took his hand and placed it on my arm. He held it in a firm grip and I guided him to the shop, all the while observing each and every one of his movements. This time, I felt like I was seated in a balcony, overlooking the scene that was being played before me. I went from my earlier vulnerable state to a dominant, shielded state. Later, I walked him till his hostel's entrance leaving me with a dozen unanswered questions.


Similar situations might have played before me scores of times before too. But I hadn't realized the depth of the situation unlike today. Maybe I was too oblivious. Maybe I chose not to acknowledge it. Maybe my moment of truth was slotted for today. Whatever be it, it had given me enough food for thought for the day. Or the next few days to come.

FootNote: This post is dedicated to you, Jinu. Thank you for supporting me through yet another period of writer's block and for showing faith in me. This is for you dear. You're a wonderful person. Things are going to brighten up. There is a rainbow after every shower.

ToeNote: My first real experience with a blind person left me wanting to know more about how to interact with one. Looks like I made more mistakes than one! I humbly urge you to read this for starters. You never know when this might come handy. If it does, let's show them that they aren't anything special!

NailNote: As I finish up my blog post, vulnerability strikes yet again. This time, it is yet another facet, leaving me.......vulnerable.

The Man at Midnight's Stroke

She had been reading when she had slowly drifted to a light sleep. Her head was at right angle to the rest of her body, a horizontally propped pillow supporting her head. She still had her glasses on but they had started to slip on her oily nose and had reached the tip of her nose. She was woken up by the stirring under the blanket next to her. She slid further down and placed the pillow properly beneath her neck and head. Her hands reached backwards and switched off the bedside lamp. Her neck was paining due to the prolonged period of her acrobatic position.

The covers stirred once again. She turned her head and took a look at the timepiece on the night table. The radium illuminated hands showed ten past midnight. It was time, she thought to herself. The turning back made a few breaking sounds inside her cervical spine. God, how much would I love to get a neck massage right now, she thought to herself. She was no more sleepy. She stared at the fan on the ceiling, churning out slow circles with the blades. Should I go back to reading, she wondered. Or a shower maybe?

She was procrastinating her decisions, whatever it would be in the end, when she felt a hand reaching out from underneath the cover. It touched her waist. He is awake, she thought to herself and smiled.She turned on her side, facing his side of the bed. The hand climbed upwards and rested on her left breast. Men, she thought. In broad day light, they couldn't read street signs and find a bistro but at night, in the pitch darkness, they could find whatever they sought even without opening their eyes! She smirked.

The hand once again came down onto her navel. This time it went right underneath her night dress and began to run on her navel. She was feeling ticklish. A head propped out of the cover. It still had closed eyes on it. Half asleep, she thought. She slid down further on the bed. The hand again climbed up to what it sought, as always. As it went up, the top too rolled up. She felt the chill on her exposed upper body and it gave her goosebumps. With one hand, she removed her top and while she pulled the cover towards herself with the other and slid underneath it.

She could feel his breath on her chest right now. Her bra had hooks on the front. It just took her a couple of seconds to unhook them. A sigh escaped her as she undid them. The declaration of freedom. Instantly, she felt a warm wetness on her breasts. He had one of her breasts in his mouth and was sucking hard at her nipples. Her body arched towards him in response to the onslaught. She embraced him and pulled him closer to her. His breath was a panting gush of warmth on her body as he drank hungrily from her breasts. His hand, meanwhile began to play with the small crucifix locket she wore that rested in the cleavage. He did that every time, she thought to herself. Habits die hard!

Moments passed. Her neck was paining more now and she was straining herself in this position. She wanted to switch positions. But he was still half asleep and she didn't want to wake him up. She weaned him for a moment. She crossed over to the other side of the bed, balancing herself on her hands while she did it. She made room for herself on the other side, pushing him a little towards where she had been a moment ago. He was awake now. She could see his two big, burly eyes even in the darkness. She instantaneously felt guilty for breaking his rhythm. Women, she thought this time! Guilty for a man's insatiable hunger! But she loved this man with all her heart. He meant the world to her. Even when she knew that eventually he would leave her for some other woman.

No more thoughts. She had something to finish right now. And before she could initiate, she felt the warmth seeping onto her, again, this time on the other breast. But it didn't last long. He withdrew himself from her nipples, which had turned dark and swollen. She could feel the circle of saliva he had left behind slowly drying on her; along with the bite marks which had started to burn now. He lay on his back, a satisfied look on his still sleepy face. He had finished his job, she hadn't. She slid her arms underneath him and took him in her arms. She put him on top of her, his head resting in her cleavage, and began to pat his back. And then it came. Burp! Now she was done. She put him back on the bed and put an arm around him as he drifted off to sleep. She slid out of the bed, her bra and top in her hands, and walked towards the bathroom. She looked herself in the mirror as she washed herself - his saliva, her milk off her bosom. Motherhood, what a bliss, she thought!


Dedicated to A, for her story and for her celebration of womanhood and motherhood.

Love, Sex aur Dhokha

For my friends who don't understand Hindi, the title means Love, Sex and Betrayal/Cheating.


"Why do you love me again?", he Whatsapped her. He loved hearing it again and again. And she gave him a different answer each time. But it felt good.

"Because.....I'm a sapiosexual. It's fun talking to you. I feel happy when I talk to you.", she messaged him back.

"And?" He was smiling.

"Hon...." Her words were like a partial moan.

"mmmm?"

"I love you"

"mmmmhhmmmm?"

"Yes! And I want to lie on your chest, listening to your heartbeat."

"And?" He wanted to hear more.

"Want to feel your stubble."

"I love you my darling"

"Feel your face with my fingers, kiss you on your chest, bury my face in your chest, get lost in you and not find myself...." She continued

"mmmmmm. I love that."

"Want to entwine my legs with yours..."

"Yes please. I want to bite your neck and shoulders and give you hickeys. Want to feel you, skin on skin." It was his turn to take the lead.

"Ohh yesssss." She purred

"I would turn you around and spoon you as my hand feels your body, running along your curves, feeling its heaves."

"Oh yes! Do that please"

"mmmmm" he purred back

"Honey. What are you doing now?" She asked naughtily.

"What do you think?"

"Really?"

"mmmhhhhmmm"

"Want to continue with this?" She inquired

"Yes. What do you want?" He shot back

"I think I want it now." She was grinning

"I want to feel him grow hard in my hands. I want to feel it. Warm and hard." Another message.

"He's all yours, hun. Wet?"

"Mmmm...yeah..kinda..."

"Want me to do something about it?"

"Maybe."

*Pause*

"I'm waiting" She pinged again

"What would you like?" He asked.

"Your call. I like a lot of things. :-P "

"Like?"

"Find out for yourself" She was taunting him now.

"Why don't you lie down while I strip you down to nothing?'

" :-) Already on my back"

The frequency of the messaging was increasing.

He - Pulls down your bottom. And looks at you with a grin on my face.

She - Grabs and pulls your hair.

He - Kisses you on your navel

He -  And then your knees

She -  mmmmmmmm

He -  Runs my tongue from your knees to your inner thighs

She -  :-)

He -  Bites into your thighs

He -  Bites you on top of your panties

She -  Mmmmn

She -  Hon...

He -  mmm?

She -  I want you.

He -  I too want you, my love

She -  :-)

He -  What do you want?

She -  I want you :-)

He -  And???

She -  And what?

She -  I want you here.. Now

He -  mmm?

She -  I m wet for you.

He -  I want to be there

He -  Not doing anything about it?

He -  Maybe I should slide down your..............................








"Did you wash up?" She asked.

"Yes. You?"

"I just did" She replied. "Baby. I love you sooooo muchhhhh. Mwaaaahhhh :-*"

"I too love you. :-* :-* :-* "



She kept her phone aside as she had to take the Sambaar, which had been making till now, off the stove. She had been toiling in the kitchen till now. 

He folded The Hindu and stretched his legs onto the railing of the balcony. And he took the other newspaper in his hands, ready to devour it from the first page to the last.

The Rape

It was dark and raining. The wind was blowing onto her face. She was running with all her might. Fear and despair filled her face. She knew that they were behind her and quickly gaining on her. Still running, she turned her head to see the two hefty figures behind her, running, ready to pounce on her. And then it happened. Suddenly, she found herself in a small puddle of water. She could feel the weight of one of her pursuers on her body, pinning her down helplessly. The stench of tobacco in his breath was unbearable for her. His hands moved on to the pallu of her saree. She screamed at the top of her voice. Her cry for help was silenced by the ghastly wind, as if it had joined the evil laugh of her other tormentor.

All this while, another man was closely watching the scene from a little away. He knew exactly what was happening before his eyes. As soon as the man reached for the woman's saree, he screamed in a loud voice that was heard above the voice in the background,


"Cut!!!! Pack up!!!!"

And the director walked towards the actors with a satisfied smile on his lips.

It's raining...

It has been more than a month ( 5 weeks to be exact) since my transfer back to my home district. After spending the last three years in Alwaye with some of the best friends one could get, I was sure  the change would be drastic. I also knew that it would take me quite some time to get used to the new schedule, to the new place, the new faces, new colleagues and everything. Most importantly, I would be staying with my parents and commuting to work from there daily. Now, after a month, when I look back, I must admit that I was wrong on many a things. Today, as I walked back home after a movie, I decided to pen down the changes that had happened over the past few weeks.

* For someone who used to wake up at 8.30 AM in the morning on office days, I get ready and leave for job by 8.30 now. No more late nights too. All those days of late night football, movies and talking are over. By 10.30 PM, my jaws open wider than a hippo's and the very sight of the bed makes me fall onto it and romance it!

* Earlier, I rarely used to go to the movies. I always liked them in the comfort of my bed and laptop. Even when my friends used to go for 2-3 movies every week, I always had excuses for not joining them. I used to average 1-2 movies per quarter (Yes, we bankers measure time in quarters)! Now, including the one I saw today, it has been two in a span of 10 days!

* I've decided to get back in shape and stay healthy. Say bye bye to the pot belly. Today, I've bought myself a swimming cap and goggles. I'm thinking of taking an early morning swim EVERYDAY! Well, for that I will have to wake up even earlier. To take it notch higher, see the next point!

* Hold your breath! I've decided to start studying!!! What or rather For What is still a question mark! But it would be preparations for either the Civil Services or GMAT. Only time will tell. And as usual, I've ordered a new set of books from Flipkart. They have made quite a lot of money out of my unpredictable nature!

* My search for a fresh avenue is still on. Job applications are being forwarded at a very high rate. For someone who was arrogant that he cleared all the job interviews that he ever attended and that too with stars, I'm nursing the hurt ego from the last two outings. After flunking an interview and an MBA exam in the past one month, I've decided to be a little more serious while approaching things. Let's see for how long!

* Finally, I've decided that I will get back to reading and writing. I've made a personal promise of publishing at least one post per week here.

FootNote: The monsoons have arrived here in Kerala with a bang. Nothing is more beautiful than Kerala during the monsoons! But the daily commuting to work is a wet affair!

ToeNote: I will be older by an year in a couple of days. Oh man, am I suffering from the later half of the twenties syndrome?!

NailNote: I've been watching some really good movies lately including classics, Korean, Italian, Iranian. So far, I'm enjoying it to the core. I still  have a lot more in my collection to watch.

Preach what you can practice

This blog entry should have, in actual, been published three weeks back, when I was still fuming. Better late than never.

On February 22nd, 2013, I had the honour of representing the bank where I work in the Kerala Management Association's Young Manager's Contest 2013. Our four member team bagged the second runner-up position, sharing it with Wonderla Holidays Pvt Ltd.

From the onset, when the four member team was formed from aspirants spread across the country, we were set upon winning it for the bank. We talked to many people - industry experts, past contestants and were told to expect tough competition and not be shocked by the end result. And we were also asked to look out for Mr. S R Nair. Once the name popped up, we were keen to know who he was. Thanks to Google and the World Wide Web, soon we had enough info on him. His blog, S R Nair's Blog, gave us a insight into what we were to expect. A professional turned entrepreneur, as he himself claims, had views on everything happening around the world, be it business, politics, religion, sports or society. We were awed by what we saw and were a little concerned on what to expect during the finals, for which he happened to be a regular member of the judging panel (so we were told).

I don't want to talk about what happened during the finals of the KMA Young Manager's Contest 2013. It's best if we let that untouched. But what I want to say happened a week later, at the closing ceremony of the KMA Management Week. Held on 27th February 2013 at the Avenue Center Hotel, Cochin, it was also to be the presentation ceremony for the winners of the KMA-YMC 2013. And as informed, we reported to the venue at 6.30 P.M. Mr. S R Nair, who also happens to  be the President of KMA, was prominently seated on the dais. He opened with his speech of Kerala, on the theme of this year's Managment Week, beating a bush here and there, and making attempts at lightening the mood with his (attempts at) jokes.

Seated among the honoured guests on the dais was the director of one of the better known B-Schools of Kerala, who happened to be one of the sponsors for this year's management week. He too was one among the speakers on the occasion. Accordingly, when his turn came, he walked up to the podium and began his talk. The speaker was a holder of a Doctorate. The audience also had around 50 or more of his students.

A few minutes into his speech, Mr. S R Nair used his dais microphone to interrupt him, reminding him in full public that the doctor had 2 minutes to wind up his speech! Hearing this, my jaw dropped. I felt embarrassed on behalf of the poor speaker. And exactly two minutes later, the President again donned the microphone and told him loudly that his time is up!

For me, this was the height of insult. To be interrupted and asked to stop by the host when he was one among the invited guests. That too by a so man who cribbed in his blog in April 2012 that he was invited and insulted by one of the biggest TV Show hosts in Malayalam.Such hypocrites people can be! Now, when I look back, the most he has done in his blog is crib and complain about people and their lives. Some people live in the belief that they are so perfect and gifted that they have a right to criticize anyone and everyone and whatever they do or say is always right. Yes, everybody has the right to speech and the freedom of speech is of utmost importance but it should not be at the expense of others' rights and dignity. And it would be much better if people practiced what they preach. As for Mr. S R Nair, all I've to say is, What Goes Around, Comes Around.